Sunday, October 30, 2005

Keep on Honkin' in the free world

picture courtesy of

Despite this weeks debacle CUDP has managed to file their final merger to the NEBE and hold on to your seats….begin the peaceful demonstrations. For now it will start with boycotting government media and relations with EPRDF affiliated business aaaand we get to honk every morning for half an hour (8:00 – 8:30am). Although the latter leaves out the majority of the population who rely on their good foot, I still think there are enuf cars in the city to make the point. Besides, the past few days the city was getting whored up to host another African Union summit. Perhaps this time the band of tyrants will get a real taste of post election Addis.

The plan is to slowly increase the heat. In a very astute move to accommodate the muslim population, the sit-ins and possible all out strikes are held off till after Ramadan.

Of course, EPRDF has already increased the saber rattling. From the sound of tonight’s press release, which I know I wasn’t supposed to be reading, their next disgruntled move will be rounding up CUDP officials and banning the free press. oh my…that would only make things worse…much worse.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

The spy who almost shagged me

the political soap was at it’s climax this week. Both CUD and UEDF were busy solving what could have been disastrous internal problems. alas! two doctors, Dr. Merara and Dr. Beyene were relieved of their duty. It’s got to do with the party joining the mock-Parliament for the sake of Dr Meraras party ONC's survival. I didn’t pay much attention to it ‘cause CUD stole the little attention I have.

CUD’s was worse. They were busy removing a mole everyone knew about. EPRDF media outlet, not Addis Zemen, not the Herald, but the party’s official potty talk weekly, EFTIN was publishing minutes from CUD executive commit meeting word by word. it ‘s a good thing one of the qualities of the CUDP is having no secrets from the public.

the mole was visious this week, and it had a name, Lidetu Ayalew, who every one thought deserved an action figure. The not doctor, not so engineer, Lidetu will still have an action figure, only he will be portrayed as the worst villain of the 2005 election series.

Lidetu’s last minute stance of not making the CUDP merger official not only put the whole thing in jeopardy but it also raised some eye brows. The free press went on to dig deeper in to his intentions and finally linked him an Al Amoudi sponsored EPRDF spy. All those abuses against him by the secret service and police where just part of the drama heh… 75,000 people in his constituency went on to sign a petition that removes Lidetu of his representation. To add to the drama, the NEBE poopooed the electorates demand. Since when did the NEBE care about legitimacy of opposition MPs?

Lidetu on the other hand still claims his innocence and his devotion to the people. But the more he tries to defend him self the more he implicates himself. There is one particular statement about what he would do if the CUDP went with his plans and it fails - “beg for forgiveness”.

He was told to “strategically place” his forgiveness where the sun don’t shine.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

the more you toke, the more you rock

Stoners raise your bongs

study showes that marijuana makes you SMRT

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

what we did at the parliament (by Right Said Meles)

Photo: EPRDF MPs during lunch break

I'm too sexy for freedom too sexy for democracy
nothing is going to ruin me

I'm too sexy for the election, too sexy for negotiations
So sexy it hurts
And I'm too sexy for Addis too sexy for Bahirdar
Dire and Awaasa

And I'm too sexy for your party
Too sexy for your party
No way I'm negotiating

I'm progressive you know what I mean
And I do my little trick on the donors
Yeah on the givers on the fork-ers
I do my little mischief on the donors

I'm too sexy for Merara too sexy for Birhanu Too sexy by far
And I'm too sexy for my Bereket
Too sexy for Bereket what do you think about that

I'm a tyrant you know what I need
And I do my little tricks on the ballot
Yeah on the ballot
I shake my little toosh on the ballot

I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my

'Cos I'm a commie you know what I say
And I do my little cant on the media
Yeah on the media on the radio yeah
I shake my little toosh on the Tele

I'm too sexy for hibret too sexy for kinijit
Poor hibret poor kinijit
I'm too sexy for my parliament too sexy for your lives
I will lock you up if you leave me

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Ethiopia over a cup of tea

Let me iterate you with what’s been happening in the past week. I was once again in a better place; it seems the binary gods of this cyberworld have destined me to be in un-wired territories when ever the politicians start acting funny. Ok here we go!

After the oppositions announced the October 2nd peaceful protest, the government… no… the EPRDF…NO NO…THE WEYANNE’S! I don’t even know what to call this morons anymore, deemed it ‘an attempt to topple the government un-constitutionally’ - the constitution oozing with all sorts emerging democratic goodness - and unload their drones in the city, who they kept busy before the Sunday rally target practicing on the outskirts of the city. the oppositions called off the Sunday rally as a result of the ‘heavy blood’ forecast and went on to call a three day sit in during an important week for the government, the AU peace and security council meeting to be held in Addis. In the mean time, Meles Zenawi, the high priest of off our emerging democracy, calls up the ambassadors of donor nations ( UK and US) and proposes…I am hysterically laughing as I say this…A NEGOTIATION! A round table civilized discussion, perhaps with some tea and cookies, and come up to a mid point with the opposition.

is there even a midpoint here?

the oppositions decided to give the offer a shot and call off the sit in, which the state media widely publicized. This whole thing happened between the hours of 6am till 12pm of Saturday, talk about suspense. The saddest part of all this is things was already crumbling on the most important subject of “who caved in and called the damn negotiation”.

perhaps this should be sign to rethink…..but not yet.

The PM , who is too busy at the peace and security meeting wasn’t going to attend the negotiations, instead, Bereket ‘bagdad-bob’ Simon was delegated to lead the ruling party side.

That should have been the end of the beginning, Bereket can’t even negotiate with him self but to my anguish it went on.

eight major issues concerning the future of the country were brought to the table, which doesn’t include….here is one for the giggles…. a unity government. Instead EPRDF suggested absurd negotiation points such as; respect for the constitution (pull down your pants and bend over), a commitment to non-violence (not including target practices in the vicinity of the city limits, mass arrest, harassing members of other parties.) parliamentary procedure (not getting dragged out of a session by military police when ever the speaker of the house thinks you are unsightly )and Access to the media (only one is a camera the other is a machine gun, you guys pick which one we use today).

some one should have thrown the towel right then.

For the next four days a half-assed joint press conference where everyone kept hush hush (and a highly classified document leak) was all we knew about the negotiation until they emerged on Friday, all haggard, telling us it all went pear shaped! Heaven knows we could have used that three day sit in. other than writing my over due reports, the African Summit would have been held in a deserted city.

I am pretty pissed of at the opposition for not seeing this coming and lending the time to EPRDF who is going to use it to scramble for yet another twisted plot. Personally, the more we wait the nastier things are going to get. EPRDF, already in the process of establishing regional governments, is getting cushier and people are getting bitterer.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

monkey see, monkey do