Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Egoportal’s non-Daily Recipe

Revolutionary Terrorism a la Meles

“A meal fit for the 77th wealthiest human”



Preparation time : 14 years

Can serve : “the smaller the company, the higher the gluttony”







Ingredients

o 70 million serfs

o simulated democracy made from Maoist ideology as per Albanian revolutionists specification

o nonexistent 7% annual economic growth

o assorted oppositions

o armed drones

o A border dispute with a neighboring country

o Donors with various interests (national security, natural resources, a progressive mate, good-do-ers)

Preparation

- Slow roast the serfs by adding ethnic hatred, famine, poverty, and inept governance

- Marinate Border dispute with a neighboring country (the longer the better)

- Add simulated democracy, assorted oppositions, & nonexistent 7% annual GDP growth and Tenderize donors to extract juices

- remove lumpy opposition as they might make the donor tenderizing process difficult

- If serfs start turning reddish add some armed drones

- Leave the donors that are not being tenderized and work on ones with higher interest.

- If tenderizing still difficult increase the heat using prospects of greasy natural resources and threat of a ‘clandestine terrorist group’.

- if still difficult throw in some bombs courtesy of the marinated border dispute and lumpy opposition

Serving

- While still roasting, pour a wee amount of donor juice on the serfs to cool down, Garnish with anti terrorism task force and serve on government controlled media, save for later.

- Pour the remaining donor juice in a foreign safe-heaven and enjoy at your will.

Bon appétit!


Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Who said they never listen

The gradual progression of bomb incidents from night time to day time indicates that the EPRDF government is responding to critics.

When the first two bombs exploded in the middle of the night causing very little damage, no one paid attention ‘cause everyone knew who was behind it. next followed the story of diffusing grenades found in rubbish bins and street corners. we just assumed those grenade belonged to members of the (excessively) armed forces who couldn’t bear all the ammo weight in the scorching addis sun and decided to ditch some of the load.

Now the bombs have started exploding in day light. Still no one claims responsibility and public opinion remains the same. Perhaps more comical.


Reuter’s coverage

“The explosion was caused by a bomb planted in a flower pot outside”

Restaurant Manager

Suspect #1 GLF (Gardeners Liberation Front) the shear wielding, dirt loving, flower smelling menaces

"Luckily none of the restaurant staff were injured except four pedestrians,"

Restaurant Manager

Ya…those no good….non-spending…mooching pedestrians


Walta’s Coverage

“The Commission condemned the acts of what it termed anti-peace forces who have conspired to create the impression that peace does not prevail in the capital city”

Motive: peace must not prevail in the capital city

Analysis: who could possibly benefit from chaos?

Conclusion: it doesn’t need one


Word of advice to the FPATT (Federal Police Anti Terrorism Taskforce “we put the ERROR back into terrorism”) the only incident that is going to convince me that there is a “clandestine terrorist group” in our capital city is if a bomb explodes during an EPRDF central committee meeting leaving no survivors.


p.s. I appreciate every one who commented and emailed me on my failure as Prophet of Change. My whine barrel has plenty more disappointments.